Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
