I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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