i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
