Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
