I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
