We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
