So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
