The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
