u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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