Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
