we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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