sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
