All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
