garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
