i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My feet surprised me
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