The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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