The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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