you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
