I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
