allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
