Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can't turn off my feet"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
