Sry I called you an 8
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
