the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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