So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
