I think my fart just growled at me.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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