I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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