there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Man, jail baloney is awful.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
