He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
