Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
