1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
