Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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