you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
