Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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