Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
home. puking in laundry basket.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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