Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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