Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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