Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
