I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
