the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
