When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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