The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
