If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
