I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
