I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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