Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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