Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
