I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
