Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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