Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
