The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
