i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
